The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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