Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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