He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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