i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
