Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
