I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
