And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
