im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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