First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
