I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
