You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. thereโs only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know itโs not the sneakers
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
