dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
