only you would photoshop your dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
