two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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