I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
