dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
