shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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