I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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