my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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