At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
