So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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