And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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