i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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