im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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