You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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