dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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