Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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