I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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