They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
