You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
