he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
