I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
