I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
