Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
