when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize