dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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