And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
