sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
