You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
