Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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