When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Do vagina's smell?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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