Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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