wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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