I just threw up on my dentist
farters have to be the big spoon...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
