reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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