no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize