just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he fucked my hip out of place.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
