So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
