so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
