11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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