If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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