i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
