I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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