1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
