Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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