Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
