He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How naked do you want me to be?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
