she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
