shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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