ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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