she looked like the before picture.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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