Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
