I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Enjoy the penises
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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