i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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