Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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