Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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