I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
