I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
