I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
