he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
