Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
