Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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