im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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