Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
