I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
