My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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