his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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