Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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