Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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