I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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