I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
