I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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