Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
