high people should be assigned attendants
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
