The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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