I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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